thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
Did I show you my penis last night?
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
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