i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
