To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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