her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
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