I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
Randomize
