Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
I have already put on my inside pants.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
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