wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
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