hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
He had one of those small greek statue penises
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
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