He had one of those small greek statue penises
you have to choose: penises or morals?
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
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