Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
Randomize
