He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
