Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
21 Rideshare Drivers Had to Drive These NSFW Passengers
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.