Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
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He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
The 23 Most Inappropriate Things To Happen At A Funeral
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.