saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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