Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
Randomize
