The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Randomize
