I'm really into asian looking animals
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
The adults are the big ones right?
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Randomize
