Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
I have so many feelings about this burrito
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
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