what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
My vagina is officially offended.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
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