Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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