After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
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