Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
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