I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
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