I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
Randomize
