Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
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