Where did you get a picture of my penis
I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
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