Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
im holly from the hills drunk
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
Randomize
