that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Randomize
