My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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