you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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