So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
