Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Randomize
