So drunk its hurt
I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Randomize
