the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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