it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
