You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
