His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
