last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
Randomize
