cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Randomize
