Soap is not a condiment
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
Randomize
