Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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