We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
Randomize
