I molested 6 butterflies tonight
i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
Randomize
