I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
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