I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Randomize
