I like my sex mixed with concussions.
This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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