HIV tests are more positive than that guy
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
no. you can't hotbox the world.
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
