Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
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