so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
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Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
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You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
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