Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
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