I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
Randomize
