he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
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