In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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