Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
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