Heybabeimwearingurpanties
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
Randomize
