So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
