U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Randomize
