DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize
