i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
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