just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
Randomize
