She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
