my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
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