So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
Are these your boobs on my camera?
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
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