I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
Randomize
