Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
Randomize
