im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
Hippo gnu deer
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
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