he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
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