im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
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