I am puke
So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
Randomize
