She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
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Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
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Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
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