Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
Randomize
