I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
Randomize
