whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
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