im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize
