There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
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