I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
