it wasn't lemon gatorade
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
My ass is underappreciated
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
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