My Higher Power is John Stamos
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
