You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
Randomize
