1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
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