Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
